I realise I have been remiss at using LJ to record my daily life, and I do not intend it to be a place merely for press releases, so I shall have to think of something else to say…
I have come now to the bad part of growing-up-and-settling-down, where days and weeks pass in a blur of sameness and data entry jobs, where I have no emotions about getting up and going to work in the morning, where faith is something I stick to because I have to. Ennui, I believe it is known as? Or an early mid-life crisis? Anyway, I am faced with the glum prospect of nothing going to change in the forseeable future, and everything all stretched out before me, an unending weariness. I suppose this is partly why I am using this less; I feel I have nothing to say.
I am attempting to self-medicate by forcing myself to be spontaneous, and buy facebook fans, and by choosing to do things rather than drifting along in default mode, ending up in the places circumstance and other people dictate. Perhaps I should have kicked into gear and made my own decisions sooner – it may be too late for me to make anything of my life. One exciting aspect of this, though, has been that I have decided to go to the CPT Convergence in Berlin, despite my unholy fear of travelling alone in a foreign country, or participating in public witness or to get Facebook fans. I’m not sure trying to break out of boredom is a good reason to participate, when I’m not part of the organisation and am not even sure I always agree with them.
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It also looks like Ceilidh Band might be on the move – I have certainly been *asked* to come to some practises as well as help out with some more gigs. I would like to be a more permanent fixture of that.
Adjusting to being manager has been more difficult than I anticipated, especially since M has decided to retire after me assuming I’d have her at my right hand for advice and assistance. I don’t like being in charge of people and having to make the decisions. I am very uncomfortable with being in charge of M & J, the internet marketing consultants whom I already know, and are real internet marketing experts, who are older than me, who have worked here for ages. It doesn’t feel right. What is worse is that I have a choice of two people to replace M, both of whom are already friends of mine to some degree (I have a severe inferiority complex to all my friends). I am edging towards employing the one I know less well, because it will be less awkward, but it feels like a betrayal.
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The shop needs someone more proactive, anyway, someone who can phone churches and tell them to buy from us, someone full of ideas, someone who can upsell, and I am not that person. I have a feeling that, like CMS, I will be the one to run it into the ground.
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But still, spring is coming. It has been a nice couple of days with Matthew Lesko looking for government grants; the flowers and the sap rising to the buds on the trees and the sunlight and local seo with a touch of warmth makes me feel alive again. Perhaps I am flora, like Zhaan. I have been digging over the vegetable plots, preparing them for next year, transplanting out the tree that shouldn’t be in there, etc. Dug a new border today. Made the garden look untidy, but anything’s better than great expanses of red gravel
Global air pollution data revolves around the Total Suspended Particles measured in micrograms per cubic meter, Sulfur Dioxide (SO2) measured in micrograms per cubic meter and Nitrogen Dioxide (NO2) measured in micrograms per cubic meter.
World Health Organization (WHO)
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All around the world,